Die that you might live

As I was sitting in mass this evening (trying to pay attention despite Nalley's best attempts to distract me), I heard the Gospel Reading.  It got me thinking about getting a straight answer.  Week after week we hear these stories of parables and prophecies and cryptic future happenings.  I have to think the apostles got annoyed at least once.  I mean when is the last time some one came to you and said, "hey I wanna hang out" and you replied, "die to yourself and you can see me"??  It is almost like they played a game of telephone and Jesus' reply was to a different question.

Leron and I often have conversations about faith.   Our conversations always seem to end up figuring out the source of sin as selfishness. I am by no means the smartest person in the world and our world has changed leaps and bounds from the vineyard, seed and sheep parables used in the Bible.  These stories are confusing and complex, but the message is always the same.  Love one another.  This story in particular describes how to love one another, die to self.  If you die to self, especially for service to others, you become more Christ-like.

Jesus is love and he showed us this love by dying for us on the cross. 

Jesus = Love = Selflessness 

The opposite of selflessness would be selfishness just as the opposite of love is hate and the opposite of Jesus is the devil.

Selfishness = Hate = Devil

So if you want to be with Jesus you have to be selfless and die to yourself so that you can serve others.  And of course, what better example of a fruitful life than a seed that dies in order to produce a plant.  Being a farmer's wife definitely made this story easier to understand.  I had never full grasped the idea of the seed dying.  To me, a seed was full of life and potential.  So in a way I understood the point of using a seed to show this potential.  I was just a little off base by considering the potential and life as two separate parts. 

We have the potential for life.  We have a chance to live.  We only seize this opportunity when we choose to give our lives up for a bigger purpose than our own existence.  Now that's some heavy stuff.  In order to truly live, I must surely die.  It seems oxymoronic on the surface. 

As humans, we are so prone to sin/selfishness that we often scoff at the idea of dying to ourselves.  It is much more fun and definitely easier to live our lives for ourselves and no one else.  It is difficult to live for someone or something else.

The priest had a great line at the end of his homily tonight.  He posed a simple question, "Who could you better serve if you died to yourself?"  My human side immediately screamed I already put everyone ahead of myself, but then I thought about it some more.  Dying to yourself doesn't mean being a martyr or expecting praise for doing something for someone else.  Dying to yourself means seeing past those earthly trappings and truly rejoicing in the love of your neighbor.

We have had some rough days around our house recently.  It seems like it has been a bad month.  There is a lot of stress with building the new house and being financially strapped because of it.  The girls have been sick off and on since what feels like Christmas.  Leron's health problems have set him on the sidelines for almost two years and have added some nice medical bills to our budget.  We have yet to sell our house in town.  It seems like the list could go on and on.

I wish I could sit here and type that I have been able to take it all in stride.  That I have truly understood the idea of dying to myself in order to serve my husband and children and others.  That I haven't had days and nights of stressed out screams, frustrated fits or tears freely flowing because I had no other answer or response.  I wish I could say that I am perfect and don't need help and I can do it all by myself.  But I'm not perfect, I do need help, I can't do it all by myself.  I have cried, thrown fits and screamed.  I haven't really mastered the idea of dying to myself yet and obviously with all that above I haven't really taken it all in stride.  But I am working on it.

There have been a few good days when I seem able to just take everything on with a smile.  It really shouldn't come as a surprise, especially after examining the reading for today, that those days are when someone needs me more than I need me.  When Leron has a really bad day, I am able to be a caring, sensitive, supportive wife.  When Nalley is sick and wants to cuddle all day, I find no stress in leaving the laundry unfolded or even unwashed and the dishes in the sink.  And when Felicity seems like all she wants to do is nurse, I rejoice in the memories we are creating in these days that will be over before I know it.

I found my answer to the question.  I could better serve everyone and I do better serve everyone when I die to myself.  What's your answer?

Lenten Daily Challenge: Trim down your possessions and give what you don't need to the poor.

Rosary Special Intention: That I may get better at dying to myself

God Bless!

Hannah

The Farmer's Wife