Those questions

I had a doctor's appointment today that included hopefully the one and only ultrasound I will need this pregnancy.  We did not find out the gender of little #3 but we did find out baby is very healthy!  We got to see the 4 chambered heart, the kidneys, stomach, spine, head, face, arms, legs, hands and feet. Can you believe how amazingly developed a baby is at 20 weeks?  My dates look almost spot on and our little one already weighs almost a full pound!

I have loved this little, growing person since I knew that he/she was growing inside of me.  Really I probably loved him/her before that because I knew that conception was such a real possibility.  To know that everything looks good and that baby is growing and should be joining us on the outside in September is almost overwhelming in a very, very good way.

I have just started to show and I have some amazing friends who understand that I am Catholic and that Leron and I  live our lives according to Catholic Doctrine so I have been able to avoid "those questions" until now.  You know the ones, was this planned? are you done? do you want a boy? if it is a boy will you be done? are you crazy? you know what causes that right? so how many more do you think you want? do you think you can handle three under three? and on and on and on... it is amazing to me how "friendly" strangers in the grocery store get.  But I thought I should get in a little more practice answering these mostly intimate, personal questions that are bound to come up more frequently as my belly grows.

Was this planned? Oh what a sticky question.  It kind of goes along with "You know what causes this right?".  If the question is did we sit down and look at our life calendar for the next 18+ years and decide if foregoing the vacations, fancy dinners out, and sanity were easily penciled in for this pregnancy and dependent care years of this child, absolutely not.  You can't plan children.  Did we even sit down and say of that could result in another summer pregnant in my third trimester?  Nope.  What we did do is much simpler than that.  We handed control of our lives over to someone who is a much better organizer.  He makes beautiful things and can make something out of nothing.  He can take a husband and wife and create a new life.

Are you done? This one makes me laugh just a little.  I am responsible for 1/3 of the baby making process.  Leron gives 1/3 but really it is that last remaining 1/3 that neither he nor I could do on our own.  I pray we are not parents to only 3 children.  I would love to have a full house of kids running around.  I also pray that I can accept God's will for my life.  This year He willed me to be a mother for the third time.  He may never will for it to happen a fourth or He may will that it happens 15 times.  I pray to be open to that calling.

Do I want a boy? Yes I do want a boy.  Will I be disappointed if they lay that freshly birthed child on my chest and there are not boy parts between the legs, not one bit.  I will cry with happiness for the miracle and blessing that the baby is not cry over what the baby is not.  I would love to give my big farmer man a little farmer boy but Leron loves the girls more than life itself and I am sure one more girl would just make us that much more of a happy family.

If it's a boy will we be done?  I am not going to put a limit on the gifts God wants to give me.

Am I crazy? Yes, mostly, but it is what you have to do to get by with a farming husband and two toddler daughters while pregnant with your third.  Life is more fun when you are a little crazy anyway.  Also crazy = blessed and given a huge amount of grace to live life.  I could not do what I do without God.

Do you think you can handle three under three?  No I know for a fact that I cannot handle having three children.  I cannot handle getting out of bed in the morning.  I live this life by the grace of God and not by my own ability.  I mother through grace.  I am a wife through grace.  I will only be able to "handle" three under three by the grace of God and leaning on His strength.  I also take great solace in the idea that He gave me these three gifts because He wanted something great to come from my life.  I will not let my fear of "not handling" them ruin the opportunity I have to impact the world not only through my life but through the lives of my children and all of the people we meet.

God Bless!
Hannah
The Farmer's Wife